Celebrating
Day of the Dead
Along the
way of my grief journey,
I have come to appreciate
Day of the Dead as an "opening"
to the holiday season in
a way that includes my
son Dakota who died in
1999. Now there are some
who don't understand Day
of the Dead and mistakenly
consider it Satanic. Or
they misuse this time of
year to say to bereaved
people, "Well, Day of the
Dead is the only appropriate
time for you to grieve,
and after it, you don't
get to mention your dead
loved ones again at Christmas."
But this holiday is the
antithesis of Satanic AND
it does not replace grieving
that might happen on any
other day of the year.
Throughout
my life I knew about Day
of the Dead as a celebration
that started at the beginning
of October. We would make
an ofrenda (altar) on a
table top in our house.
On the ofrenda would be
photos of those we loved
who had died. Marigold
flowers, fruit, candies,
candles, sometimes little
notes and letters, and
maybe toys if the deceased
had died as a child. I
knew that it was believed
that the spirits of the
children who died would
return first on Halloween
-- making the generic,
candy driven, American
Halloween a LOT more meaningful
to me. And that the
spirits of those who died
as adults were thought
to return on November 1
& 2. But I didn't know
more than that within my
own practice and celebration
of the holiday.
Since Dakota
died, I have looked into
the traditions much more.
My ofrenda now includes,
not only my great-grands
and grandparents who have
died, but also my son and
the other babies in our
family who have died. The
idea that on October 31st,
the spirits of our babies
return, dressed up, dancing
and celebrating, has made
the whole facade of American
Halloween bearable for
me. I used to just break
up seeing all the kids
dressed up, knowing my
Kota wasn't here. But with
Day of the Dead in mind
and heart, instead of the
shallow Halloween, I could
imagine my little one here
celebrating with all these
other kids.
Also, part of my discovery was that very Catholic and other Christian oriented families in Mexico celebrate this holiday. It is very much a part of some religious traditions and not considered Satanic for a moment. Those happy skeletons, dressed up, celebrating -- those are our loved ones returning to visit for Day of the Dead. Those are the artistic expressions of what the spirit of our loved ones might be doing now.
There are
many photo books and web
sites on the Net that
show another huge part
of this holiday that is
completely missing here
in America -- unless you
are in some South Western
areas. The ofrendas are
moved from the home to
the cemetery where our
loved ones might be buried.
I'm talking about whole,
entire COMMUNITIES camping
out at the cemetery for
two days!!! They clean
the sites, they decorate
them, they put up lights
and candles, they bring
food and music. It is a
huge celebration. It is
an entire community acknowledging
that grief and loss don't
have "closure" as so many
American professionals
like to promote. Our relationships,
our love for our deceased
family and friends continues!
It does not just end at
the moment of death.
So I encourage you to check out this holiday yourself. I don't mean that we should just co-opt it and Americanize it into some consumer holiday. I mean really look at the traditions. Read about it. Celebrate diversity by having your family honor this holiday in addition to Halloween. Learn about ofrendas. Make one in your home. Grow marigolds in the summer just for this celebration. Learn to make sugar skulls -- making and decorating them is a great and fun activity for kids. Open your heart and mind to the ways that the "normally dreaded" holiday season can actually INCLUDE YOUR WHOLE BEING! You can be in the midst of the holidays AND honor your feeling of grief at the same time. One does not have to exclude the other.
Here are a few great links I've explored. Check them out for yourself:
This is an AWESOME site
with ideas and recipes
and even supplies for doing
sugar skulls, chocolate
skeletons, paper banners
and more. Really great
resource.
http://www.mexicansugarskull.com/mexicansugarskull/recipe.htm
That same site also has
great books and videos
available -- if you are
a school librarian or are
homeschooling, then this
might be a great resource
for you to find learning
materials.
http://www.mexicansugarskull.com/mexicansugarskull/books-videos.htm
Through one of the Arizona
newspapers, this awesome
site is offered year round
to teach about the history
and to share photo essays
of celebrations in Mexico
and Arizona. They even
have epostcards available
for free that you can send
to people -- great for
sending invitations to
folks who might want to
join you for an art making
day to make your sugar
skulls!
http://www.azcentral.com/ent/dead
Awesome photos of whole
cemeteries decorated and
lit with candles and lights
in celebration -- amazing!!
http://www.dayofthedead.com
About
the Authors
Kara is a freedom fighting guerrilla
artist who has recently taken to
henna as a solace and form of expression.
Check out her new site at: HennaHealing.com
