Child Death
Miscarriage > & I Never Held You

Resources created by Ellen Dubois
Article here written & compiled by KotaPress

Several years ago, we recieved a copy of an ebook called "I Never Held You" for which we ran a book review. I'll post that original review here in just a moment. Since that time, author Ellen Dubois has created a second edition of that book, this time in paperback along with a companion website called Both of these resources are so needed in the bereavement world as there are so many women and families who deal with miscarriage and the grief journey that comes with this loss.

While the first edition of the ebook was wonderful, this new paperback version is really well-rounded, offering insights and materials on lots of topics. Ideas for using alternative therapies, everything from art to journalling, Reiki to relaxation. Explorations of all the shadow issues that come with a miscarriage. From blame to shame, from anxiety to affirmation. Very thorough. Really helpful.

Likewise, the website offers resources, support, and inspiring articles to keep you going on this journey. Check it out.

Original KotaPress review of "I Never Held You" (first edition, ebook)

This is a powerful, little ebook!

First the book is less than 30 pages. I know, you're saying, "Come on, Kara! What can 30 pages do?" A LOT! When I was in the midst of my own grief, grasping for straws at any resource I could reach, I definitely did NOT have a lengthy attention span. I wanted someone to be straight with me. No medical bull. No psychological babble. Just give me some straight talk on what was happening to me. DuBois does this in these pages!!

Probably, the next thing to "catch" me about the book was where DuBois shared a comment someone made to her after her miscarriage. "Grow up and get over it." WHAT???!! I cannot believe someone was heartless enough to actually utter those words to DuBois! Even if this book wasn't a great resource (it IS a great resource though!), she would have something important to say in my view because she survived that kind of *support* (said with complete sarcasm) after her miscarriage!

And yet, DuBois not only survived pain, the death of her child, (what sounds to me like grossly negligent) shoddy care from her medical provider who kept calling her child a "fetus", the loss of her marriage afterward-- but she's gone on to write this wonderful ebook. She speaks in a straight-forward manner about miscarriage, grieving, blaming, letting go, and moving forward. Plus she shares a wonderful poem in the section "Angel Baby" and additionally shares two pages of online resources for bereaved parents enduring the death of a child due to miscarriage.

I had only two comments that might be important if you are looking for a book to read or give as support to a bereaved family. One, the book is pretty geared toward the birth mother, so if there is a grieving father or partner in the family, they may not find the support they need here. And two, DuBois does discuss her religious/spiritual views in terms of God in a masculine form. So if you or the bereaved family you are supporting are of a religious/spiritual background that differs from that, then you might want to read and substitute your own word for the mentions of God.

Ultimately, in my humble reviewer opinion, I think this is a great resource for bereaved parents and the people who care for them after a miscarriage. This is a kind of validation after miscarriage that is sorely needed in our society!

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