Dictionary of Loss: G - H - I
Grain n. 1. our brains, like grains of sand through an hour glass, we lose it easily, sometimes quickly; it builds and builds until the dam breaks. (See also "Brief Grain" for futher usage details.)
Gremiss adj. 1. cold and indifferent attitude toward the grieving family 2. the grossly remiss behavior by a trained medical professional toward the surviving family members.
Grief Art, n. 1. Images, poetry, paintings, books, stories, songs, or other artworks created as a direct result of loss.
Grief genetics, v. 1. Functioning with no knowledge of what you're doing or of any memory of doing it. -grief autopilot, syn.
Grief paranoia, n. 1. The overwhelming fear that you're going to lose one of your other children or grandchildren or your parents or your partner. -grief paranoid, adj.
Grief Rage, n. 1. A sudden urge to scream as loudly as you can while intense anger pulses through your veins. This Grief Rage can hit at any time and may cause fighting between spouses, intense yelling sessions, anger at the deceased person for dying, and taking it out on anyone who happens to be in your way.
Grief Torpedo, n. 1. any of a number of things that trigger a resurgence of the pain accompanying one's loss. There you are, floating along on the sea of life, when bang! a grief torpedo sinks you. They are especially stealthy and no warning is ever given. (See also: the "Y" words for You-Go-Along-And-Then-BAM!)
Griefer, n. 1. one who is in a perpetual state yet exist, kinda like a zombie. The world is viewed through haze, no more rose colored glasses for us.
Griefheimers, n. 1. a disease with a sudden onset following exposure to death. It causes the afflicted to forget everything but their loss and the agony that accompanies it. Often, others must remind the person with griefheimers to do even the most basic tasks of living: "Remember to breathe," is often said to those afflicted.
Grit, v. 1. the reaction you have or the action you do when: A. hear the same platitude for the umpteenth time, (i.e., "he's in a better place...."); B. your health insurance won't cover any more sessions; C. a baby shower invitation arrives in the mail [suggested antidote for C: send flowers tell them you have plans and go connect with your own baby by way of journaling, a trip to the cemetery, or a MISS Kindness project.]
Grobs, n. 1. grief snobs 2. others who arrogantly believe that their grief is worse than anyone else's and aren't afraid to say it. -grobbish, adj.
Grobville, n. 1. the metaphorical place where grobs sequester themselves into a little country clubish group building walls where there should be none.
Holidaze, n. 1. The daze any mindful person gets into at the blinding consumerism of holidays. 2. More specifically, this is the daze of numbness or disbelief that the bereaved feel while the world goes la-de-dah singing carols or painting easter eggs, dancing around the May pole or eating turkey. 3. Even more to the point is the alternative noun for this word which is Hellidays meaning the absolute torture the bereaved feel at watching family and friends sail happily thru the celebrations with no mention of the dead child. 4. Or the torture of going to a mall with all the happy, giggling children and families all around on Santa's lap or pulling the Easter Bunny's ear while the bereaved heart wants to climb in the middle of the mall fountain and scream for their dear lives. -holidazed, v.
Hopeful Dreaming, v. 1. Hoping that this time when you get together with that friend they will be sensitive to your grief and tread gently instead of stomping on your already broken heart. Sometimes this leads to further disappointment and pain. Sometimes, surprisingly enough, that friend is sensitive and you are genuinely surprised and relieved. Unfortunately, there is no way of knowing which way this will go. -hopeful dreams, n.
How-could-I???shock, n. 1. The first thought that comes to mind when you hear or see something funny, and you realize with horror, you've just laughed for the first time since your child died.
Hung-Tongue, n. 1. people who can carry on a perfectly normal conversation with you until you mention your child in heaven. -hung-tongued, adj.
Ignorant 'Helpers' n. 1. People who think they are being sensitive to a bereaved parent in their grief (and sometimes are) and then without thinking start talking on and on about their child and how wonderful they are and how they just can't imagine losing them. (Author note: Ouch!)
Ignore-it-itis, n. 1. A condition in which people who have not lost a child, think if they say inane things like "She wouldn't want you to hurt like this," you'll suddenly stop grieving and they can be comfortable around you again.
Immediate Empathy Syndrome n. 1. the strange and unexplainable transformation from a complete stranger or person not liked by many to a compassionate and kind comforter upon the news of a child's death.
Immediate Idiot Syndrome n. 1. what happens to a perfectly nice doctor, teacher, neighbor, friend or other citizen when they hear that your child has died ant. see Immediate Empathy Syndrome
Inherent Feeling of Failure, n. 1. A feeling that engulfs and surrounds the sad mother all of the time. 2. Especially intense feeling after seeing friends and family with their live babies. 3. Feeling like a failure as a wife and mother while wondering if any of her children will survive.
Intense Love, n. 1. Having an immense love for your deceased child, missing them like crazy, but not knowing how to show them love because they aren't here to care for. 2. Hoping your child knows how much they are missed and loved and needing to know that they know how much you love them. -intense loving, v. -intensely loved, adj. (Author note: Parents create legacies for their dead children in order to try and channel this intense love somewhere! If it doesn't get channeled in some way, it can enter a feedback loop and feel as though you are being crushed and may lead to depression and intense Unsuicidal or real suicidal feelings.)